We Know We Can Do Better

I have regrets.

And not just little regrets that pass from my mind in a few short months or weeks but regrets that will last a life time! I still haven't decided if regrets are good or bad. And I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Right now, I'm leaning towards good! I mean you hear different opinions all the time about them!

"Always look forward, Never look back"

"Never regret something that once made you smile"

"To regret deeply is to live afresh"

"Things without all remedy should be without regard; what's done is done"

"Do it or do not do it - you will regret both."

So which one is right? Which one should I live by? My answer is none of the above.

So what kinds of things do I regret you ask? Well I will tell you! (maybe in more detail than you care)

Regret #1

My high school friends.

It's not that I regret the friends I had, it's that I regret not spending more time with them! I was so concerned with how they saw me that I sort of hid in the background. I let my others friends do most of the talking. It wasn't until my senior year that I started opening up and letting people get to know me better! Looking back, I should have been more confident. I was so much more awesome then I realized I was. =) And that leads us too...

Regret #2

My only boyfriend besides Kyle.

Some of you reading this will know exactly who I am talking about. (I mean, I've only had two BF's and I married the second and I have no regrets about that) Anyway, I don't regret dating him (or whatever our relationship was) but I regret exactly that - I didn't know what our relationship was! I was head over heels for this kid. He was one of the first guys that was really interested in me! He text me all the time and wanted to hang out with me and bought me an Orange Julius - love, right? - and took me to prom and we held hands...

And then I graduated and it was over.

Did I ever think I would marry him? No. I never even let him kiss me! And I don't even regret not kissing him. (I could go on forever about how I feel about kissing in high school. Some days it's fine, some days it's not) But I wish I had put more effort in to my feelings. Maybe loosened up a little and not worried so much. Anyway, I may have been rude to him and never had a chance to apologize and it sucks having unfixed relationships out there. And now I don't have much dating advice for my future children! (Although, I worry the hubster has too much advice...)

#3

College.

My brother Colin inspired this post really. You see he just graduated from high school last week. That means that I have been graduated for four years now. And when I look back on the past four years of my life, (which has been pretty consistent the past week) I regret where I am.

I can blame the fact I thought I had to work a full time job and couldn't take classes I needed.

I can blame it on the universe for forcing me to quit school after getting married because I couldn't afford it anymore.

I could blame it on Ultrasound schools for not being more prominent in Utah.

I can blame it on moving to Utah and having to sell a car so we only have one to pay insurance on... etcetera, etcetera...

But I've had a realization.

I am to blame! <--- Who woulda thought, right?

It is my very own fault that four years later I am 25 useless credits farther away from a degree! I regret this so much! But do not fret! Don't feel bad for me about my regrets. I am ok! For I have learned a very important thing tonight. And I learned it from THIS video. (if that doesn't work youtube Kathryn Schulz: Don't Regret Regret) It's about 17 minutes but very much worth the watch. If you don't have time to watch it, just read the next part that I took from her video (or do both) :

"Here's the thing; if we have goals and dreams and we want to do our best and if we love people and we don't want to hurt them or lose them we should feel pain when things go wrong. The point isn't to live without any regrets, the point is to not hate ourselves when we have them. We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them. Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better."

I just want to repeat that last part:

"Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better."

I can do better. I know I can do better.

I can work harder at future friendships.

I can make sure that I never hurt my husbands feelings.

I can get back on path with school and make no excuses.

And most importantly I can love myself for every perfectly imperfect thing that I am!

I don't have much more to add because you probably don't really care to hear much more but I will end with saying that we are not alone in our journeys. Everyone makes mistakes and lives with regrets.

When we acknowledge that, our paths become wider and we welcome friends that will help us carry our loads. And even if you can't find a friend, you always have a Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ that love you and don't ever let yourself forget them!